I’m afraid to spend Christmas with my clever sister-in-law

On December 24, 2024By Littum

Dear Coleen

My husband and I, plus our two-year-old son, will be staying with my mother in law a few days over Christmas.

Normally I would look forward to this, but this year is his sister will be there, which I know will not make for a happy holiday.

She is 23, so 10 years younger than mine manand she’s a brat. To be fair, I’ve never met her – she’s always been nice to me – but she’s disgusting to her mother and my husband. It’s like her emotional development stalled somewhere around 15 – she’s selfish, needy, throws tantrums, constantly starts arguments and demands money and attention.

Unfortunately, her father is not around to help parent her when he died a few years ago so it has been up to her mother and my husband to be there. They do everything for her, but she treats them with so little respect.

The last time she was with her mother – before she left for eight months – she got together with a random guy in a pub, got high on drugs, lost her phone and ended up at the police station. I felt so sorry for mine mother in lawwho were in tears. She also screamed at my husband that he was not her father and should never interfere again.

It really makes me sad that she is so terrible people I love but so far I’ve stayed out of it. How am I going to cope this Christmas if things go haywire?

says Coleen

From the outside, it looks like she might have been pampered or pampered by her mother and brotherwhich probably overcompensates for her father not being around.

But at some point you have to take responsibility for yourself and there are plenty of people who have experienced loss who are kind to those who love them.

I totally agree that this fight is not yours and your husband and his family have to fix it myself.

But if you get along well with your sister-in-law and when the time is right, maybe you can help her see how sorry she is for her mother, who is doing her best, and encourage her to open up about how she feels. Her mother and brother also have to change how they relate to her.

I don’t think she will change unless they do. So talk to your man about tough love.

The next time she is rude, your brother should say, “Don’t talk to us like that. Treat us with respect or don’t be here”.

She can storm out and get drunk, but I think there should be one consistent message.

And stop bailing her out with money. Help her emotionally, give her ideas to move on, encouragement and trust. She acts like a moody teenager and they stoop to keep the peace so the cycle continues.

It is not easy to change one dynamic but it can be done if you keep the boundaries in place.

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