Practical tips for staying sober during the holidays

Last year, when Lauren Haydel began her first sober holiday season, she wondered how hard it would be to avoid alcohol at family and friends parties. She owns a shop, Fleurty Girl, in New Orleans’ French Quarter, a neighborhood synonymous with drinking.

But few people questioned her choice. “Instead of them asking me why,” says Haydel, “they ask me, ‘Oh, are you feeling better?'”

Many friends told her they are considering avoiding alcohol themselves.

Sobriety has had a moment, says Jessica Jeboult, founder of the website and online community A sober girl guide.

“This is the ultimate time to rediscover or change your relationship with alcohol,” she says. With so many non-alcoholic products available and growing awareness of the benefits of staying sober, “there is maximum support.”

If you plan to stay sober this holiday season, here are tips from sobriety coaches, sober bar managers and happily sober people:

Plan drink options ahead of social events

“Having something in your hand just increases your comfort level because you feel like you’re socializing with this thing in your hand instead of standing there with your hands by your side,” says Abby Ehmann, owner of Hekate Cafe and Elixir Lounge, a sober bar on New York City’s Lower East Side.

It can help to choose your alcohol-free options in advance. If you prefer something that reminds you of alcohol, try some of the many non-alcoholic wines and beers on the market (they are not all equally tasty) and check which ones are on the menu at a bar or restaurant you are going to visit.

If you need to host a party or attend one at someone’s home, you can do that too mix your own mocktail recipes in advance.

“Treat these drinks like they’re really special,” says Vermont-based chef Suzanne Podhaizer, who makes a selection of mocktails when she entertains.

Don’t forget the decorations, she says: “Consider putting a sugar rim on your glasses or using glitter dust on top. The more you make the non-alcoholic drinks feel festive, the better people will feel.”

Mocktails also make great hostess gifts. Mix up a batch of your favorite recipe, pour it into a large Mason jar and tie it with a ribbon to take with you.

Make social plans that don’t focus on drinking

This year, plan to get together somewhere other than a bar. It’s the perfect season “to get some nice hot chocolates, take them outside and ice skate,” says Kate Baily, UK women’s health coach and host of the podcast Love Sober.

If you’re invited to an event that involves drinking, give yourself permission to skip it, says Adam Cannon, a real estate agent in Pittsburgh who has been sober for 18 years.

In his industry, “this time of year there’s a different networking event every night of the week,” Cannon says. He chooses not to go if “it’s ostensibly about networking, but it’s at a bar. People get hammered.”

Know your sober social window

Even if staying out late is your habit, “you don’t have to do what you’ve always done for this particular Christmas party,” says Haydel. Drop in for the first hour and then leave whenever you want.

You won’t miss much. “There’s a witching hour when you’re out at a bar or drinking with friends,” says Jeboult. “When people come by two drinks, three drinks, the stories are the same.”

If necessary, let out without explanation. Whether you call it a “French exit” or an “Irish goodbye”, it’s totally a possibility.

Take breaks and connect with sober support

If you feel stressed during a holiday gathering, “take a time out,” says Jeboult. Escape to the bathroom, go outside for a minute or go for a walk.

Snack breaks also help. Jay Bridwell, a recovery counselor at Red Rock Behavioral Health in Oklahoma City, often uses the acronym HALT with patients in addiction recovery. If you’re “hungry, angry, lonely or tired,” he says, you may be more likely to reach for alcohol. So build in time for rest and meals.

And have a plan if things get tough. Whether it’s an Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor, a sober relative, or a group text with sober friends, stay in touch with people who will support you, Bridwell says. You can also join an online sobriety group and follow sobriety-related social media accounts.

Plan your transport

Map out multiple transportation options instead of relying on one person for a ride home from a party. You’ll have less stress and feel less motivated to de-stress with alcohol if you have the freedom to go when you want.

Look at being sober as a Christmas gift to yourself

During his first sober holiday season last year, Haydel reveled in meaningful conversations and the joy of waking up feeling good each morning with clear memories of the night before.

“Sobriety is the gift you keep giving to your future self over and over and over again,” says Eliott Edge, who runs Hekate, the sober bar.

Focus on enjoying this very real gift, says Baily. Take time to get dressed, visualize yourself feeling good, and imagine how you’ll feel when your head hits the pillow when you get home.

To top it all off, you can schedule a reward for the next day. Maybe a breakfast date with a friend or a morning walk in the park that will feel extra good because you won’t be stuck.

“You have the best pieces of the night,” says Baily, “and there’s no cost.”