Ilana Glazer is grateful for the limits of parenthood: NPR

A note from Wild Card host Rachel Martin: I met Ilana Glazer exactly 10 years ago. Ilana and their co-star Abbi Jacobson were riding high on the success of their hilarious web series Broad Citywhich went on to become a popular television show. I interviewed them both, but I had just come back from parental leave for my second child, and I have to tell you, I was so exhausted at that moment.

What sticks with me from that interview to this day is Ilana’s energy. Like capital “E” energy. They were just bursting with ideas and stories and potential. And I share this because the tired new moms out there often feel a little alone and disconnected from the well-rested, creatively fertile people.

So when I watched Ilana Glazer’s new comedy special on Hulu, Human magicwhich is about the weird part of life that is early parenthood, part of me was selfishly glad that they’ve crossed the Rubicon and understand how exhausting it all is. But then I watched Ilana’s special and I saw that same “big E” energy, even though they are now parents to a toddler, and I realized that this person is just built this way.

From where I sit, it seems that Ilana Glazer’s default setting is energy and enthusiasm, and I want to add joy to the mix, because when I see them perform, I come out happier than I was an hour or two before. Therefore, I wanted them to join me for a game of Wild Card.

This Wild Card interview has been edited for length and clarity. Host Rachel Martin asks guests randomly selected questions from a deck of cards. Press play above to listen to the entire podcast, or read an excerpt below.

Question 1: What was your form of rebellion as a teenager?

Ilana Glazer: I didn’t rebel very much as a child or teenager. I was very good and I was focused on achieving. And my rebellion came later. Honestly, I wasn’t sure about rebelling against my parents until a few years ago. LOL. I am 37 years old.

It was really in the process of becoming a parent that I thought, “No. I’m separated from my parents.”

But of course I had some rebellion; it finally came in the form of having sex and smoking weed in my senior year of high school.

Rachel Martin: I mean, it’s a pretty bookish rebellion.

Glazer: Yes, standard – I would honestly say patriotic. So finally it came, as well as myself.

And then I really feel that becoming a parent has helped me feel like “I don’t care”. Do you know what I mean? I don’t care about being accepted. I care more about finding out who I am and what I need. I worry about that more than crossing a line and being accepted back.

Martin: Wait, I need more on that. How does having a child make you rebellious?

Glazer: As long as I am focused on meeting my needs and the needs of my family and child, I can be unpleasant. I don’t have to fill the supporting role I hoped to fill before.

I have found the boundaries of parenting really helpful for the rest of my life. It has forced me to draw lines that I never wanted to draw before. I want to be everything to everyone. And it is so important for my health and my child’s health. And it actually serves the whole world to give it the healthiest child I can. So it has been such a useful reorganization.

Question 2: How comfortable are you with being alone?

Glazer: I’m going to beat the binary with this answer and I’m going to say “increasingly.” Oh – is your mind blown by all my therapy, Rachel Martin?

But that is the precise answer – increasingly. But it’s hard. I really live off people. I love people. I love intellectual intercourse. I love to connect and engage, but I thrive alone more and more. And also, to have such a needy, little individual who needs me so often – it’s become more of a relief to be alone.

Martin: Yes. Whereas before there may have been anxiety associated with it, and now it’s just barely there.

Glazer: Yes.

Martin: I am someone who craves alone time.

Glazer: Yes. are you tall

I don’t know. I think I’m 5’7″. My husband insists I’m 5’6″ and 3/4.

Glazer: Oh, copy that. I don’t know if it’s changed, but in the early 2000s—I was a teenager at the time—the toxic message I got was, for some reason, I know modeling has to be 5 ‘7″. So you’re model height, honey.

Martin: (Laughs) Wait, is this just a random interstitial?

Glazer: I don’t know – I just feel like wanting alone time and being high, like I imagine you’re gliding through the streets of DC and like to pop your collar and don’t want the bottom half of your face must be seen. I say, “Yes, she likes to be alone.” I’m like short and I’m like, (gremlin voice) “Hey everybody. Anyone wanna hear a joke?” I don’t know, I just wanted to imagine.

Martin: I want you to always think of me like this. It’s the complete opposite of how I am.

Question 3: Are you good at knowing when something has to end?

Glazer: Yes, I am. With Broad Citywe had signed our contract for seven seasons, and then we both came to the decision to end it after five — Abbi and I. Comedy Central was like, “What?” But yeah, that’s something I would say is elegant about me – knowing when things are over.

Martin: It is an admirable quality because it is not the same for everyone. And especially if you’re doing something good and there are people telling you, “It’s good, just keep going,” and to have something tell you it’s time to stop.

Glazer: Whew. Yes. And like being able to trust that I’m generative beyond this moment, whether it’s a creative project or something else – that I’m sure that I keep generating new layers and like, do without thinking. It was something that the experience of pregnancy was so incredible. I am such an over thinker and a planner. Creating a person without thinking about it was like, “I’m not even thinking about this, and my body knows what to do.” And when we get a scratch and, and the skin grows back. It’s just trusting my own humanity.

Martin: Is it just a gut feeling to end things? You’re just like, “I just feel like we have to stop?”

Glazer: Yes. I was a drummer for many years. I miss it. I just loved percussion. For a while I thought, “I’m going to be an orchestral percussionist.” Can you imagine me on a timpani, like “dun duh-duh dun duh.” And I think it’s like a rhythm thing. Do you know what I mean? It’s a bigger scale rhythm thing, “This is over,” you know, and also accepting the loss.