As Christmas, Hanukkah overlap, interfaith couples celebrate with trees and menorahs

Early in their relationship, Danielle Rupright talked to her boyfriend, Shawn West, who was raised Methodist, about how much she valued her Jewish faith and culture.

“I said, ‘It’s important to me that I raise my children Jewish,'” she recalled. And he replied: ‘It’s important to me that my children grow up to explore things and ask questions.’ “

A marriage and two children later, the Westerners are now raising their children, aged 12 and 16, in an interfaith household.

And on Wednesday — Christmas Day — a tree and menorah will take center stage at their Marshall Township home.

For the first time since 2005, Christians – with 2.4 billion worshippers, the world’s largest religion – will celebrate the birth of their savior as Jews mark the start of Hanukkah, an eight-night festival of lights commemorating the Maccabees’ rededication of Jerusalem’s temple. after they defeated the Syrians in the 2nd century BC

For Danielle West, 46, now director of community engagement for the Jewish Federation of Greater Pittsburgh, December is defined by Hanukkah. But her husband, who has secular views and mostly believes in science and history, still claims the 25th of December.

“He supports us having a Jewish home 364 days a year — but Christmas is a gift for him,” she said. “And I love my Christmas tree.”

Mixing traditions

Before 2005, the two public holidays were last in line in 1921 and 1959. It will not happen again until 2035, then in 2054.

The overlap between calendars presents some knotty situations for interfaith couples.

This group’s population is growing in the United States. Today, nearly one in four American marriages are considered interfaith, according to the Pew Research Center, a nonpartisan think tank.

An official of the Catholic Diocese of Pittsburgh estimated that one in three Roman Catholic adults living in the Pittsburgh area is in an interfaith marriage.

The percentage is even higher among the approximately 50,000 Jews in Allegheny, Beaver, Butler, Washington and Westmoreland counties.

In 2017, nearly half of married Jews in the greater Pittsburgh area married someone of another faith, according to a Brandeis University study.

For some who live in the Pittsburgh area, the December 25 calendar conundrum presents fewer either/or decisions than it does opportunities to blend traditions and cultural backgrounds.

“Christmas is so much easier to do,” laughed Andrew Baton-Soffietti, 35, a union carpenter from Pittsburgh’s Highland Park neighborhood who self-identifies as “culturally Jewish” and married a biracial Mennonite woman in 2015.

“Since none of us are really religious, we pick and choose the details of the holiday without any guilt.”

Chrismukkah

Elan Mizrahi is used to managing the push and pull between Christmas and Hanukkah.

But this week, for the first time in more than a decade, Mizrahi wasn’t driving the Pennsylvania Turnpike to celebrate Christmas at his in-laws’ home in New Jersey.

Instead, the Pittsburgh-based photographer flew to Florida, where three generations of Jews — Mizrahi and his wife, Vanessa, converted to Judaism; the couple’s 3-year-old daughter; and his parents – will light menorah lights on Christmas Day.

“If we went back to New Jersey, we wouldn’t have been able to celebrate with my parents,” said Mizrahi, 35, of Polish Hill. “Having my daughter be a part of Vanessa’s family’s celebration is something we want her to enjoy. It’s good family time … but we’re Jewish.”

Some do not choose one over the other. They mix them.

The term “Chrismukkah”, a portmanteau merging the names of the two winter holidays, started in and around Germany in the 19th century. However, the idea gained widespread popularity in 2003 when a character from the TV drama “The OC” celebrated the holiday to represent his interfaith upbringing.

In 2007, another mashup of holiday names – “Chrismahanukwanzakah” – appeared in a Virgin Mobile commercial.

A search last week for “Chrismukkuh” on Amazon returned nearly 300 items. The online retail giant sold more than 500 “Chrismukkah-inspired yarmulkes,” a Jewish headdress in Santa’s colors and trim, in the past month.

Although some celebrate “Chrismukkah” annually, 11 more years will pass before December 25 on the Gregorian calendar and the first night of Hanukkah – 25 Kislev 5785 on the 354-day Hebrew calendar – again overlap.

Easier without children

Abbey Farkas and Amanda Burns of Pittsburgh’s Observatory Hill neighborhood haven’t mixed their traditions so brazenly.

Farkas, who is Jewish and uses the/them pronouns, grew up celebrating Jewish holidays in Squirrel Hill at a dinner table that often included family friends, neighbors and acquaintances who were Christians. Burns grew up in a largely secular, “culturally Christian” household in Berks County.

After meeting more than a decade ago while attending Penn State, the queer couple married in 2018.

Burns admits it “took a while to grow into” Farkas’ Jewish traditions, especially going to services. But December holidays, however mixed, don’t seem to provoke their family.

“There’s more friction about where to spend Thanksgiving than where to spend Christmas and Hanukkah,” said Farkas, 35, who has worked as a videographer since returning home from Washington, DC, about six years ago.

“Amanda and I don’t have kids, and we don’t intend to have kids — and that made the conversations infinitely easier,” Farkas said. “For me, it’s about sharing cultural experiences with nephews and nieces.”

“And with me!” Burns reported.

Latkes and clams

Baton-Soffietti, a carpenter in Highland Park, grew up in an interfaith household. His mother is Jewish; his father, raised Christian, is not religious.

“I don’t really celebrate the Jewish holidays, but I have a mezuzah that guards my house,” he said, referring to a piece of parchment inscribed with Toravers inside a small box attached to the doorposts of many Jewish households.

His wife, Nia – Swahili for “purpose” – was raised Mennonite by a black mother and white father. She was named after the fifth day of Kwanzaa, an annual celebration of African-American culture from December 26 to January 1.

The family often shuttles their children, ages 4 and 6, between unwrapping Christmas presents at Nia’s parents’ home in Highland Park and sitting with Andrew’s mother as she lights the menorah in the city’s Park Place neighborhood.

Thanks to the 2024 calendar, this Christmas-Hanukkah season can make for an interesting meal plan.

Growing up, Nia’s family marked Christmas Eve with the Feast of Seven Fishes, a holiday meal popular among Italian-Americans.

They eat clams 25 Dec.

“It’s somehow become our most heartfelt Christmas tradition,” she said. “If you start the day with this much protein, I don’t care how many sweets you have.”

So on Wednesday, the family will celebrate Christmas morning with freshly boiled clams, then head to Andrew’s parents’ house for a holiday dinner that could include lighting a menorah and eating fried potato latkes.

Traditionally, fried foods have a place at the Hanukkah table, reflecting what Jews believe was a miracle that enabled a small group of warriors thousands of years ago to light a menorah for eight days with only a day’s supply of oil.

While the Baton-Soffiettis will be exchanging gifts on Christmas morning, there will be no appearances from an Elf on the Shelf or Santa Claus.

“It’s more, ‘You have to be good because I’m in charge, not mythical creatures,'” Nia said.

Bringing people together

The Rev. Terry O’Connor grew up in Squirrel Hill, Pittsburgh’s center of Jewish life, in an interfaith family — his father, the late Bob O’Connor, Pittsburgh’s 58th mayor, was Catholic; his mother, Judy, was Jewish.

“I think as a child we had the best of both worlds,” said O’Connor, 55, the pastor of Mary, Mother of God parish, about the mix of faiths growing up. “I just grew up with it. I wasn’t baptized until I was 19, so it was natural for me. And I think it was a blessing to bring my family together like that.”

O’Connor has a busy week ahead of him.

His parish, which boasts members from four Mon Valley churches, will hold seven Christmas Masses on Tuesday and Wednesday. Three pastors, including O’Connor, will lead the services.

On Tuesday night — Christmas Eve — O’Connor will embrace a less spiritually defined side of the holiday: a party at his parents’ home with guests from several faiths.

The annual gathering — “which I’ve always characterized as the United Nations,” O’Connor said — was started years ago before his father died of brain cancer in September 2006, just eight months after being inaugurated.

On Christmas Day, O’Connor, who prefers to be called “Father Terry,” will celebrate at the Point Breeze home of his brother Corey O’Connor — the Allegheny County comptroller and former Pittsburgh alderman who recently announced a bid for the mayor’s office.

“For me, the focus on the spiritual end of things is the birth of our Lord,” O’Connor told TribLive.

“But the intermingling is the beauty of it,” O’Connor added, “and I’m always happy to be able to bring Catholic and Jewish people together on holidays.”