The Ultimatum’s Dave on Why He Left with Vanessa, Calls Out Nick (Exclusive)

Warning: this story contains spoilers from episodes 1-8 of Ultimatum: Get married or move on season 3.

Dave Adams finally sheds light on his early departure from Season 3 Ultimatum: Get married or move on.

Dave, 34, and his girlfriend Vanessa Hattaway came on the show together after Vanessa, 30, gave him an ultimatum. However, after choosing their trial marriage partners during The Choice and moving in together, Dave and Vanessa ended up leaving the show early in episode 4, along with fellow couple Micah Hardeman and Chanel Watkins.

Producers revealed that the group “secretly met off-camera” earlier in the day, but “that night, surveillance cameras caught them packing.” The screen then read: “Dave, Vanessa, Micah and Chanel quickly left and abruptly ended their experience.”

Their early exits left two people alone in the legal marriages: Nick Tramontin, who had been paired with Vanessa, and Mariah Zernik, who was paired with Micah. (Dave had been in a trial marriage with Chanel.)

Dave is now breaking his silence on their split in an exclusive interview with PEOPLE, explaining why he and Vanessa made the decision to walk away, plus what role her litigation partner Nick allegedly played in the situation.

PEOPLE: Coming into the show, what were your expectations for how the process would affect your relationship?

Dave Adams: I think we both went in with the idea of ​​working on whatever we have going on that isn’t doing the right things for our relationship… and how can we be better partners for each other when we come out of this? Neither of us went into it as we have to go out and explore other relationships. It was always about how we can be a better partner to our original person that we came here with.

Was leaving early part of your expectations?

DA: No, that was not part of the plan.

Take me through your and Vanessa’s decision to leave. What really happened that night?

DA: We had communication with both our sample marriage partners and production. I mean, me and Chanel were trial partners together, so obviously we had communication about it. And Vanessa and Nick had communication about her departure.

The events leading up to that night we were at The Choice much later than expected and were immediately thrown into filming straight after. It was literally the middle of the night at 2 or 3 in the morning so we were very tired. I think a lot of us had work the next day and at that point it became almost unruly for us to continue being on the show. We would end up functioning dysfunctionally. It just wouldn’t work anymore with our careers, which extend far beyond the show.

I was ready to go safe a few days before The Choice and before we moved in with our new person. Vanessa still got a lot of productive things out of exploring and dating and learning about people. But when we moved into our new places with our new people, I heard from Vanessa that she was in a really difficult situation with Nick, and very quickly I was informed by her of what was going on, and it was just one of the straw that broke the camel’s back.

There were a lot of things that we each had going on independently that we both wanted to leave, but when I heard about it, it was just like, “This is actually really emotionally, mentally, and potentially physically dangerous. We have to really make a decision here.” So we weighed the pros and cons of staying and talked about everything we’d learned from the experience so far about our relationship, about other people’s relationships, and just decided it was the best time for us to call it quits.

Can you explain what you mean by a “dangerous” situation? Why were you both so worried?

DA: I would say there were a lot of falsehoods that Nick gave to get on the show through psych evaluations that he just wasn’t truthful about. Vanessa found out a lot of information on day one when he moved in and it just immediately threw up more than a red flag, it was like a red flag on fire that we really needed to think about what is the best for our safety.

And then the other thing was that I had heard from Vanessa that Nick was kind of baiting her into moving in with him as a trial partner. They had shared this connection of both being homeschooled (for years), which she was very excited about. But she later found out he was only homeschooled for three months, so not really the same. It was hugely exaggerated to make a connection and then kind of capture Vanessa’s feelings and say, “Won’t you want to live with me? We have all these connections. We’re the same person.” No, you really aren’t. So there’s just a lot of manipulation.

(Editor’s note: In a statement to PEOPLE, Nick said of the allegations: I’m surprised to hear that this is Vanessa’s perspective since we left on good terms. She continued to text me for the rest of my time filming and before the reunion I even asked if she would come because I thought sharing our experiences would help clear the air, I thought we were on good terms and that discussing our time on the show would help with to shed light on how challenging the experience was for both of us.

Looking back, it’s clear that I was at the end of my relationship with Sandy while she was in the middle of hers with Dave. I consistently supported her decision to prioritize her relationship with Dave over staying on the show. I acknowledged and apologized numerous times if I was upset, made her uncomfortable. She accepted my apology and made it clear that I wasn’t the only reason she left the show. I sincerely wish them the best and hope they find happiness and kindness. I also hope they will choose compassion over attacking the character of someone they only spent two intense, emotional days with.)

Your decision to leave didn’t just affect you – it also had a domino effect on the other couples. Did you also talk about leaving with Chanel and Micah before you took action?

DA: I didn’t get to talk to Micah that much because obviously I didn’t live with him for any period of time, but he definitely expressed some dissatisfaction with the process and the experience and the way things were going. So I could totally see him wanting to leave on his own, and thought so myself. And then, Chanel too, they both had their own independent reasons why they wanted to go, just like me and Vanessa.

It wasn’t like a domino effect. But when we move out of dating week and we go into trial partnership, you get your devices back… So everyone communicates in one way or another. And I think that was very important because in my situation there was an aspect of safety and in Chanel and Micah’s situation they had other things going on. So it wasn’t like, “Dave wants to leave, this makes Vanessa want to leave,” it wasn’t like a waterfall effect.

Ultimately, I strongly recommend that everyone put their own mental, physical and emotional safety first, and their health first. And it wasn’t that we weren’t thinking about the show and what was going to happen with everything else, but … at a certain point you think, “This is best for us. We have to make this decision for us. ” That was the ultimate reason for the decision.

(Editor’s note: Ultimatum creator Chris Coelen previously told PEOPLE that the production takes cast members’ safety seriously and would intervene “immediately” if anyone felt “unsafe in any way.” In a December 5 interview, Coelen added of the show: “We’re not filming 24/7. We always have a line for them, but they’re living their lives. And in this particular show, we have mounted cameras, but we’re obviously not in their apartment with them or at their door 24/7 And so, every single day, we are very aware that we are connected with them or checking in with them to the extent that they tell us that i think people are aware enough that if they ever feel they need something, they know to reach out to us.

What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned from your time on the show?

DA: I think it’s about seeing the good in people, and everyone, including yourself and myself, has things that we wish we did better. There are different levels in it. Some things we do poorly at a habitual level. Some things we do badly once and then it goes away. But everyone does things that their partner doesn’t like. There are also so many more things that your partner does that you love about them. So I think it’s a matter of focusing on the good things because they are so much more important for the future. Everyone has problems, but it’s a question of what really matters, and what really matters is seeing all the good in someone’s heart.

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Episodes 1-8 of Ultimatum: Get married or move on season 3 is streaming on Netflix now, and the season 3 finale and recap will drop on Wednesday, December 18.