Netflix Xmas Movies 2024 Review: ‘Hot Frosty’, Lindsay Lohan

Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Images: Netflix

Celebrating Thanksgiving after an election is always fraught. Celebrate Thanksgiving after this the election has finally made me understand people who leave their families to go on a cruise for the holidays. But we must find joy, or, failing that, distraction where we can. One thing I’m thankful for is that Netflix really went overboard with the Christmas movies this year.

In addition to licensing several Hallmark Channel hits, the streamer produced several original movies (some of which feature Hallmark regulars like Lacey Chabert). They all offer the easy comfort of a rom-com with crazy plot points that only someone like Lindsay Lohan could bring to life. Which one should you see first? all of them!

➼ Logline: “When a young widow’s magic scarf brings a handsome snowman to life, can he help her rediscover romance, laughter and holiday cheer before he melts away?”

➼ Connection to Lindsay Lohan’s cinematic universe: It plays Lacey Chabert, Lohan’s old man Wild girls co-player. This is directly referenced in the film with some slight fourth wall breaks.

➼ Will it distract me from my family and the world at large? Yes. The premise itself requires continued attention: A snowman? Has come to life? And he’s hot? We see said snowman, played by Schitt’s Creek star Dustin Milligan, strut naked through the town square, visit a doctor who reads his internal temperature as 30 degrees Fahrenheit, and eat diner food for the first time as a dog. And yet… we know he’s the perfect (snow)man for Chabert, a diner owner reeling from her husband’s death. (Even that fact isn’t also sad: It is presented when Milligan finds some old medical records in Chabert’s basement and innocently asks: “What is cancer?”) Everything in this movie has an old-fashioned feel: Chabert’s character is named Kathy (? ); the town’s sheriff, played by Craig Robinson, has a large presence in everyday life; and no one seems to have a smartphone. (Kathy wakes up to a clock radio alarm.) Also Chrishell Stause off Selling Sunset makes a cameo.

➼ Christmas comfort rating: Seven knitted scarves imbued with transformation magic.

➼ Logline: “To save her parents’ small-town nightclub, a Broadway dancer puts on a Christmas-themed all-male revue—and meets a guy with all the right moves.”

➼ Connection to Lindsay Lohan’s cinematic universe: It stars Chad Michael Murray, LiLo’s co-star Cool Friday and the future Freakier Friday.

➼ Will it distract me from my family and the world at large? Obviously. I was hooked from the opening scene, where star Britt Robertson performs as a “Jingle Belle” in a Broadway Christmas spectacular. The show is clearly modeled after the Rockettes, but the dance moves are straight out of a fourth-grade tap recital. When Robertson is fired from the show for being too old (boo), she returns home to her small town to find that her parents are behind on the rent on their historic venue. So, naturally, she gets their handyman (Murray) to perform in a Christmas-themed, PG-rated strip show to raise money. He can’t dance either, but that’s okay. There’s some light tension in the third act when Robertson gets a call to return to the Jingle Belles for a 25 percent raise, but that’s apparently not enough for her to give up romance with CMM. My only criticism is that they should have given Robertson a better wig, but that in itself was also a welcome source of distraction. Feel free to pass the time by mapping its changing location on her forehead.

➼ Christmas comfort rating: Six Magic Mike–style body rolls.

➼ Logline: “After discovering their significant others are siblings, two resentful exes must spend Christmas under the same roof — while hiding their romantic history.”

➼ Connection to Lindsay Lohan’s cinematic universe: It has Lohan herself in the lead role.

➼ Will it distract me from my family and the world at large? What do you think? But: There is a ten-year time jump between the opening scene and the rest of the film, and to bridge the gap, director Stephen Herek chose to summarize some major events from 2014-2024 in the opening credits. This introduces a dose of reality that I prefer not to see in Christmas movies; also, the events seem to have been chosen at random. (The fire at Notre-Dame? That time a ship got stuck in the Suez Canal? A photo of Bernie Sanders at the 2020 inauguration?) Fortunately, reality leaves the building as soon as the movie starts. Ian Harding, who played the predatory English teacher on Pretty Little Liarsis surprisingly charming as Lohan’s ex-boyfriend who happens to be dating his new girlfriend’s sister. As Harding and Lohan try to hide their past from their future in-laws, high jinks ensue. Lohan eats too many cookies and blames it on a Yorkie, who is then taken to a vet played by Chris Parnell, aka Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock. There’s a long gag where Lohan tries to read from the Bible while unknowingly high on weed gum (she kind of nails it, acting-wise?). And it all hinges, confusingly, on Lohan teaching Harding how to use Canva so he can win a contract to develop a senior “lifestyle complex” in suburban Atlanta. Also Kristin Chenoweth is there! I barely had time to look at my phone.

➼ Christmas comfort rating: A whole plate of Christmas cookies and weed gummies.