Tia Mowry loves herself – Essence

By: Brande Victorian | Photo by: Kanya Iwana

At 11 o’clock on a Wednesday, I’m on the phone with Tia Mowry, listening to her sing the lyrics to Mariah Carey’s “Butterfly.”

“Spread your wings and prepare to fly,” she says, before recalling how she cried as she blasted the 1997 single on the drive home from her best friend’s house on October 4, 2022 – the day she publicly announced her split from ex-husband Cory Hardrict. “Butterflies are my thing,” continues Mowry, 46. “I have a tattoo of a butterfly, and whenever I see one, wherever I am in the world, I always think, I am where I need to be.”

Still, it was a process for her to realize that being a single co-parent to son Cree, 13, and daughter Cairo, 6, was the destination of her union with Hardrict. Mowry met the actress when she was just 20 years old; the two were together for a total of 22 years, of which they were married for 14 years. It wasn’t until Mowry began to have a better relationship with herself, she says, that she was able to make the difficult decision to walk away from her marriage—and to do so with a sense of peace.

“There are situations in life where many women may not believe they have the choice they do. And that starts with going on this journey of understanding who you are—understanding your trauma, your behavior and to love the inner child,” she says. “Once you start doing the inner work, you get this Aha! moment – and you will look up and say: Wait a moment. I have a choice to live the life I want.”

Mowry has spent most of his life in the public eye. She became a celebrity at the age of 15, thanks to the success of the ABC sitcom Sister, sister– in which she starred alongside her twin, Tamera Mowry-Housley. Since then, she’s maintained a healthy balance between privacy and transparency with the media and her fans, and in recent years has opened up about everything from postpartum depression to the realities of aging.

“I remember the first time I became vulnerable in my career,” Mowry recalls. “That was when I came out with my book Brand new you: How real food transforms your life, into a healthier, more beautiful you: a cookbook. I shared my endometriosis journey. I remember being in New York and sitting with publications and I was so nervous and scared. But I learned from that moment that sharing your vulnerability is what connects you with people.”

Mowry’s divorce was finalized in April 2023, and she immediately let followers in on her experiences as a newly single woman. On TikTok, she poked fun at dating for the first time in her 40s; and she launched the eight-part docuseries Tia Mowry: My Next Actwhich premiered on We TV last October. In the series, she depicted her life after the separation.

“Divorce is very common,” Mowry says of choosing to share this chapter so publicly. “It’s something that many people experience, but don’t talk about, because there’s an embarrassment behind it, and there are so many other negative feelings about it. I’m not saying divorce is great because it stinks, but it’s a part of our lives. It is not something we can all run away from.”

Her choice not to mimic her favorite insect, the caterpillar – which retreats into a cocoon until it transforms into a beautiful, colorful creature – has attracted some criticism. On social media, people began dissecting scenes from her and her ex’s 2017 appearance on the OWN series Black love (which ended in 2022), looking for clues as to what went wrong and placing ill-informed blame on both sides. Mowry was also accused of “chilling thirst” when photos of her smiling and wearing a bathing suit on vacation did not match the public’s expectations of a downtrodden divorcee. Some even accused her of pretending to be single to save face and advised her to get back with her ex.

“What’s really unfortunate is when people project their life onto you and make it their truth,” says Mowry. “It will shake me for a moment, but then I will move through it – because I realize that at the end of the day it has nothing to do with me.”

On her reality show, Mowry was seen sharing laughs with her assistant, trying speed dating for the first time and scrolling through Raya profiles with friends. There were also scenes where she shed tears with the women she calls her “found family” over the realities of doing life solo.

“There are moments when it just gets too heavy,” Mowry admits. “There are moments when you feel like you can’t breathe. There are moments when you feel like you’re underwater. But that’s when you can’t be afraid to ask for help. That’s when You can’t be embarrassed to share with your community what you are going through. I can’t tell you how many times I have talked to my best friend who has known me since I was 12 years old the purest and rawest form. And me I would turn to her when I would feel like I was drowning, and she would tell me, ‘Tia, you’ve come this far.’ ”

Mowry has also leaned on her core family – including her twin sister, Mowry-Housley, and her sister-in-law, Zandy Mowry, who is married to her brother Tavior. “There’s this special bond that we’ll always have that will never leave us,” Mowry says of her sister, clarifying earlier comments that the two weren’t as close as they used to be. “What I meant by that was she’s not as available to me as she used to be. It’s a part of life. Change is constant,” she adds. “But change doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong.”

Embracing impermanence has been a cornerstone of Mowry’s courage in the midst of such a major life transition. “There is a quote from this book that I read called Brave New You: A Road Map to Believing That More Is Possible, by Cory Allen, and it stays with me: ‘Be curious, present and independent’ – that’s how I move through life right now,” she explains. “It means time is borrowed. My children’s time with me is borrowed. My life is borrowed. My therapist helped me with this perspective. She said, ‘When you know you’re borrowing something, you treat it differently.’ ”

When Mowry thinks back to the woman she was two years ago, afraid of the future, she sees a completely different person than the one she is now. “I’m at peace with myself. I’m at peace with where I am in my life,” she says. “I have so much gratitude. I am more present. I used to live in the past. (And) I used to live in the future and always tried to plan what my life would be like. But now, because I’ve learned about change—that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you plan, no matter how hard you work, change will always happen—I’ve meditated on living in gratitude with where I am now, what is in front of me. And I’ve never lived in that state of mind before.”

Part of that includes being genuinely happy to be single; and put relationship apps aside for a bit. “Solitude is where the magic happens,” Mowry says of taking a break from dating. “I’ve been reading books and learning more about what love is. I want to learn more about myself, my triggers, why I behave the way I do, what my traumas are, what my attachment styles are—learn more about, what love really is before I get out there again.”

What may seem like a small revelation is a huge statement to a woman who was taught to believe that her purpose in life was to please a man. “My purpose in life now is to continue to build a relationship with me,” says Mowry. “We have a lot of podcasts, movies and all that about loving partners, but that’s not the only dynamic in love. Love also exists when you love yourself.”

CREDITS:

Hair: Marquita Lynch using BaBylissPRO & Paul Mitchell
Makeup: Anton Khachaturian on Cloutier Remix
Nails: Kim Truong uses Gelish Cream Gel at Star Touch Agency
Set design: Priscilla Lee, Photography Assistants: Kenny Castro & Jeremy Eric Sinclair Digital technician: Aaron Norman
Fashion assistants: Joi Holmes & Lidia Sarukhanian
Set assistant: Ryan Moer
Production manager: Cecilia Alvarez Blackwell
Production assistants: Aaliyah Henderson and Ernie Torres
Post Production: Sam Nandez
Location: Apache