Festivus, the ‘Seinfeld’ holiday focused on airing grievances, is for everyone

CNN
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For those people who may find it difficult to find holiday comfort, there is an alternative to the halls’ cheerful terrace. There is an accessible opportunity to celebrate a holiday and maintain a healthy dose of grumpiness.

That’s right – it’s Festivus.

December 23rd is Festivus, a day in history reserved for anyone who feels that the normal holiday traditions don’t quite fit the bill.

Festivus is a special holiday reserved for those more inclined to want to embrace their inner “bah, humbug!” than their Christmas spirit. It’s a fair guess that more of us may be in that camp than ever before, and the antidote, or at least an outlet that might prove cleansing, is Festivus.

Festivus returns to sitcoms from years past. The farcical holiday was born in the TV show “Seinfeld” on December 18, 1997, when George Costanza, played by Jason Alexander, revealed that his father (played by the late Jerry Stiller) created the day to contrast the religious and commercial aspects of the traditional December holidays.

Jerry Seinfeld, the protagonist of his namesake show — which ran on NBC from July 5, 1989, to May 14, 1998, for nine seasons and 180 episodes — takes an interest in the holiday and its peculiar rituals.

And if we’re getting really technical, Festivus may have roots as early as 1966, when “Seinfeld” writer Dan O’Keefe, who introduced Festivus in the plot line, first heard his father dream about the holiday.

“Festival for the rest of us!” is the tagline that caught on like wildfire after the episode.

The holiday comes complete with a set of traditions befitting the aftermath of the pandemic, including a sad pole instead of a brightly lit tree. Perhaps most poignantly, the Festivus tradition also calls for a special ceremony known as “the airing of grievances,” where you get to tell the people in your life how they disappointed you. I’m sure if “Seinfeld” still produced new episodes, it would expand the parameters of Festivus so you can complain about the last few years and everything else that’s upside down in your life.

I will gladly gather around a scraped, salvaged pole and complain about the head. I feel better just thinking about all the complaining, about letting the year out in one fell swoop of verbal outbursts, all in the name of Festivus!

And then I hope I get better and am thankful that my family is okay. I know that airing my grievances can be soothing, but too much complaining, like too much of anything, might not be so good for me.

When it comes to celebrating Festivus, “The trick to doing it in an emotionally healthy way is to distinguish between two types of complaints—the ones we can’t do anything about and the ones we actually want to address,” said Guy Winch, a New York-based clinical psychologist. which has the following as Dear guy at TED and as co-host of the “Dear Therapists” podcast, via email.

If your complaints are about things outside of your control, such as not being able to see loved ones or catch the latest movie or dinner out, “by all means, stand around that pole and vent,” Winch said.

But if you have some control over the complaint, yelling at a ragged pole while others are listening may not be the answer. Instead, choose to address the complaint directly with them, or “scream into an abyss, but don’t create tensions and fights that could spoil what would otherwise be a lovely (tongue-in-cheek) celebration of pettiness, misery, whining and victimhood,” Winch said.

Just complaining isn’t a helpful strategy, according to Tina Gilbertson, a Denver-based psychotherapist and author of “Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them.”

“Airing your grievances is only half the battle when it comes to feeling better,” Gilbertson said. “Have someone validate the feelings behind each complaint, or do this for yourself. … Every complaint needs a compassionate witness to be healing.”

For those who want to get right into the letter of the Festivus law, the bar and complaints are followed by an attempt to pin down literally everyone around you. Fighting with your housemates and letting out some of that extra tension could be soothing, as long as no one gets hurt.

Go ahead, put up your pole and air your grievances. Just maybe leave a little bit of room for positivity if you can, because even George Costanza’s dad smiled once in a while.

Allison Hope is a writer and native New Yorker who prefers humor to sadness, travel over television and coffee over sleep. This story was first published in 2022 and has been updated.