The sexiest sexy Santas in Christmas movies and TV, ranked

On By Littum

Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Images: Getty Images, Target, Videocraft International, Ltd., Everett Collections,

Once again, it’s that magical time of year when we gather with our loved ones in anticipation of the joy that Christmas Day will bring. Maybe you have a fire to stay cozy, maybe you fire up a ridiculous Netflix Christmas movie—however you celebrate, let me guess one thing: There’s a good chance you’re secretly horny as hell. Let’s face it, enveloped in the cold with annoying family members, Santa himself can start to look like a stud depending on the amount of eggnog you drink.

But there’s no shame in finding sex appeal in Jolly Old Saint Nick. After all, he is a low-commitment rogue (appears only once a year), has a hint of danger about him (sneaks into your house), is thoughtful and generous (brings gifts), has his own private jets (okay, technically it’s a sled), and loves cookies. He is perfect. And even though he’s technically married, that just makes it all the more illegal.

Luckily, there are sexy Santas all over pop culture for those with eyes to see (ie the desperately horny). But not all are created equal. For this very serious, very thirsty placement, we only consider actually Christmas men. No Santas-adjacent, like Billy Bob Thornton’s sexy sleaze-bag mall Santa i Bad Santa Claus (2003) or Jack Black in Dear Santa Claus (2024) as he technically plays Satan. With this arbitrary set of rules, let’s go, my colleague ho, ho, hos.

Photo: Walt Disney Pictures

Robert Zemeckis’ motion-capture film is impossibly scary, even by Christmas standards, but over time it’s also become something else: scary. Thanks to animation that never quite makes it out uncanny valleyHanks’ Santa doesn’t seem so warm and fuzzy; he appears as one haunting, AI-like creature who talks like he’s had a stroke. This Santa has all the sex appeal of the poorly rendered figures The Sims who you used to make Woohoo when you were a teenager. Not sexy!

Photo: Buena Vista Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

Let’s put aside the fact that Allen covered himself in prosthetics and a fat suit to play Saint Nick in the original 1994 film. Let’s also try to ignore the blatant and egregious money laundering that Allen showed when he turned left for not one, but thaw movie sequels, plus a Disney+ TV series from 2023. For me there is simply don’t get past Allen’s politics. There is no way Santa is a conservative. His job is literally to give handouts! Plus David Krumholtz is right there.

From left: Photo: Videocraft International, Ltd.Photo: Videocraft International, Ltd.

From the top: Photo: Videocraft International, Ltd.Photo: Videocraft International, Ltd.

There isn’t much to say about the two Santas from these classic holiday movies, except that they look pretty similar, which shouldn’t be surprising since both movies relied on the stop-motion animation process known as “Animagic.” Both Santas are slightly bulbous, and they clearly look like little children’s dolls, which is not very sexy – even with an active imagination. Plus, you know the sex would take forever since they had to stop and reset every second.

Photo: Disney+/Courtesy Everett Collection

Although Howery undoubtedly has some serious ones rice in the real lifehis Santa in this Disney+ movie that I’m sure you had no idea existed (Ludacris is in it?!) has some very unfortunate facial hair. Howery is Santa Claus says that to look younger he dyed his white beard half-black, but the result forever looks like he’s wearing a cotton scarf around his neck. We can do better!

Photo: Warner Bros/ Courtesy Everett Collection

Even in the era of Giamatti’s career, when he appeared in some really ridiculous children’s entertainmenthis characters had a vibe that can be quite sexy. Still, his Santa might be a little also authentic here. His hair is a mess, his nose is constantly red and blistered (I expect it’s wind chill from the can), and he struggles with acid reflux and sleep apnea. And even if you own one CPAP machine is one of them characteristics of gay bear cultureI think he was set up to fail in this movie since his hotter brother is played by Vince Vaughn.

Photo: 20th Century Fox/Courtesy Everett Collection

Another arbitrary rule that I set for this list is that I only wanted to include one version of this classic Old Hollywood film, which was redone about four times (two of which were only short TV specials). Sebastian Cabot looked too much like an old fisherman in the 1973 film version, while Richard Attenborough in the 1994 film reminds me of everyone’s grandfather (although you know he would “sparing no expense” while courting you). That leaves Gwenn, the original and, for my money, the hottest. He certainly has best beard of the herd.

Photo: Disney+/Courtesy Everett Collection

This is another Disney movie from last year that probably escaped you (unless you’re the 7-year-old audience it was aimed at), and I have to admit I haven’t actually seen it. Still, in the brief snippet we get of Glover i trailer he speaks in a delicious baritone. Plus, in most of the the pictures from this film, Glover looks impossibly bored, like he’d rather be doing something else. And after all, what’s hotter than when a man shows no interest in you?

Photo: New Line Cinema/Courtesy Everett Collection

Maybe it’s just because Will Ferrell is so good at playing one very unsexy and childish “elf” figure (he’s not technically an elf), but Asner as Santa actually comes across as somewhat sexy in this classic film, at least in comparison. In my books, he’s probably the sexiest of the “traditional” old Santas that we’re used to; he has one gruff voice, street smartsand some fashionable ones half moon glasses which you just know will look good on the bedside table.

Photo: Apic/Getty Images/Rue des Archives

Ok, so maybe we’re going a little outside the box in terms of lasciviousness here, but basically Coke invented Santa Claus as we know him todayand it’s hard to say no to sleeping with a celebrity. The many versions of this Santa tend to have very flushed cheeks, which makes you think he’s either blushing (cute!) or maybe spiking his Coke with something stronger (hot!). Give me one too, Santa.

Photo: Target

You may be surprised that this recent santa claus isn’t number one on this list, but he breaks the mold a little too much. Plus, I didn’t want to appear basic. The other characters in these ads can’t quite get over how “weirdly hot” Kris looks dressed in her snug Target uniform (with butt-hugging beige chinos), with salt-and-pepper hair and bicep-curled Christmas trees. This Santa is more jacked than happy, but we’re certainly not complaining. Kris K. may not be in first place, but he can definitely top — (my keyboard is pulled out of my hands by my editor).

From left: Photo: Paramount Pictures/Courtesy Everett CollectionPhoto: Netflix/Courtesy Everett Collection

From the top: Photo: Paramount Pictures/Courtesy Everett CollectionPhoto: Netflix/Courtesy Everett Collection

Some little girls and little gay boys had their sexual awakenings thanks to Disney characters like Prince Eric, Ariel’s love interest The Little Mermaid (1989). But others had their thanks to her father, King Triton. And these two Santas definitely fall into the latter category. They are both impossibly brave; has dark, bushy eyebrows; sport large, manly noses; and flaunt a long white beard that you want to get lost in. If I had to pick one, I’d probably go with Simmons’ Klaus over Nicholas St. North, just because Alec Baldwin of it all.

Photo: Michael Gibson/Netflix/Courtesy Everett Collection

Okay, yes, there is a 2020 sequel to this Netflix movie, which is something I held against Tim Allen for Santa Clausbut this wouldn’t be Netflix if they didn’t squeeze every last drop out of its IP. I’m not too mad though, because Russell’s Santa has a huge mane of blown gray locks, a Herculean frame and is married to Goldie Hawn. Unlike some of our other Santas, it’s also clear that he takes care of his beard thanks to its perfectly styled curls. A generous man who takes care of himself? Register me.

Photo: Allen Fraser/Universal Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

We’ve reached, well, the climax of our Christmas adventure, and who better to spread joy and bones than the hunky bear police chief from Stranger Things? Harbour’s Santa isn’t as handsome as Russell’s, but damn if he isn’t sexy as he swings a sledgehammer at a murderous band of thieves who have taken a wealthy family hostage on Christmas Eve. He drinks, he swears, he blows people up. He’s like if Bad Santa was Good Santa, and also Hot Santa. Need more convincing? Just watch this poster where they have a bloody Harbor sitting on a chimney with his legs wide open like the bitch he is. Merry Christmas everyone and a good night everyone, because now I’m going to sleep with this Santa Claus.