Here’s how to sit back, relax and embrace a less-than-perfect vacation

We all know the stressors: Social obligations. Family discord. Political discord. Financial stress. And the desire to remain cheerful and big-hearted throughout.

So here’s a reminder on how to banish your inner perfectionist and truly enjoy the holiday season:

“It really helps to let go of some of the ‘shoulds,'” says Lynn F. Bufka, practice director for the American Psychological Association. “Decide on the one thing that matters most and the things that bring you the most joy, and let go of other things.”

Traditions can shift and change, and the more flexible things are, the easier it is for everyone, says Bufka.

“Focus your energy on creating a warm space where the people you love can gather and relax, catch up and celebrate each other. That’s literally all that matters,” says Lauren Iannotti, editor-in-chief of Real Simple.

Some tips:

Throw yourself into the parts of the holiday that make you happy

You can decide that conversation is your main goal and not worry about the decor at all, says Bufka. Or if table decoration is what you love, spend your energy there and don’t worry so much about other aspects.

“Ideally, it should be about focusing on love, and that doesn’t mean the same to everyone,” says Bufka.

Don’t hesitate to outsource some of the other stuff.

“People want to help – let them!” says Iannotti. “If you don’t LOVE cooking on all those pages, or are strapped for time, there’s no shame in accepting your sister’s offer to fill. Or get help from the pros—support a local restaurant by ordering some catering plates. “

A potluck can be your friend.

“Get everyone to bring a signature dish,” says Ianotti. “You save time and money on preparation and cooking, and your guests can show off their skills.”

Give yourself permission to cut corners

“It’s OK if the house is a little messy or dinner is on the table a few minutes late,” says Iannotti. “If the people you’ve invited are more interested in judging your performance than feeling good, they can take it up with their therapist to sort it out.”

(They’re not, by the way—”something you might need to bring up with your therapist,” she adds.)

And don’t hesitate to let people help themselves whenever possible. “If you don’t have time to play bartender, make a signature drink in advance that can be served to all your guests. You can also just leave out a few mixers so that guests can serve themselves and make their own creations,” suggests Caroline Utz , editorial and strategy director at The Spruce.

It’s OK to step away for alone time

Things will run well enough if you don’t monitor it all, so take care of yourself. Breathe or go for walks if it helps you stay centered.

“Although mindfulness is becoming an overused term in society today, there is something of value we can take from this and apply to the holiday season,” says Brook Choulet, a concierge sports and performance psychiatrist and founder of Choulet Performance Psychiatry.

She recommends “planning intentional micro-breaks” to do something you enjoy.

“For example, you can schedule a phone call with an out-of-state friend, take a 15-minute walk outside, or even set the timer and take a 15-minute uninterrupted shower,” she said.

Expect some disagreement, and don’t be intimidated by it

“If you’re worried about polarization and getting into uncomfortable conversations, try to think of ways to end a conversation or move it in a different direction,” says Bufka.

She recommends preparing a few lines ahead of time to help end the conversation or move it in a different direction.

So aiming for a less-than-perfect holiday season might just be the sweet spot.

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