The New York Jets are not a real football team according to Woody Johnson’s report

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The Jets are not a real NFL team.

I don’t mean that in the sense that the Jets are just so incompetent that they don’t compare to a legitimate NFL team. Obviously, it’s true. But that’s not what I’m saying here, winners.

What I am saying is that the New York Jets are not a real football team.

I refuse to believe this anymore. I won’t keep falling for this trick everyone is playing on us, and neither should you. There has to be something else going on in the background that keeps these doors open every day. How else do you explain anything that happens around this team?

“The team” — if we’re still calling it that — functions more like an ABC comedy-comedy-comedy than an actual football team. A rotating cast of characters come in every day with new hijinks.

Usually it’s Aaron Rodgers stepping on a rake and hitting himself in the face with the handle. But not today! Today, it is Woody Johnson, the 77-year-old owner, who is only open to the whims of his teenage sons, Brick and Jack, when he manages his team.

That’s the reported explanation for why Johnson rejected a trade for Jerry Jeudy. His teenage sons didn’t like his Madden rating, according to reports from Athletics.

HIS WATERY JUDGMENT, I’all. Woody Johnson doesn’t even know what Madden is, man.

I need someone to explain to me – like I’m 5 years old – how the Jets aren’t just a front for something. Has anyone looked inside the Jets’ front office recently? Are we sure it exists? What are they selling back there? My guess is jailbroken Firesticks with NFL League Pass included. That’s how frivolous this operation is.

The good news for Jets fans — if you actually exist out there — is that Johnson probably will be out of your hair soon if he goes to work before the first president ever elected to be a convicted felon.

The bad news is that Aaron Rodgers is inevitable. Excuse me.

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Jeremiah Fears has no fear

Excuse me. I’ve been itching to write that headline for the past 12 hours. You’ve probably already seen 16 different variations of it online, but whatever. It’s perfect. And it’s true.

Oklahoma’s Jeremiah Fears’ game-winning shot against Michigan on Wednesday night is the stuff of legend.

The Sooners need 3 points to tie the game and send it to overtime. Fear made them exactly one point better. He hit three and got the error.

Oklahoma is undefeated at 11-0 and looks like one of the best teams in the country. For Fears to be this team’s leader as a freshman is extremely impressive when you consider that he reclassified to play for Oklahoma this year.

He should be planning offers and getting ready to take the exam. Instead, he’s hitting big buckets and getting ready to cash in the NBA draft next summer.

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The value of an NBA team

Mat Ishbia and the Phoenix Suns decided to sell concessions for $2 at the Phoenix Suns arena, which is absolutely fair and exactly as it should be.

It was always ridiculous that people would pay more than that for bags of crisps that were half full of air and bottles of water that somehow still left you thirsty.

Considering how much these teams are worth, these prices are even more absurd. Sportico published its annual NBA valuation data and the numbers are staggering.

A few numbers for you:

• NBA teams are collectively valued at $138 billion.
• The average NBA team is worth about $4.6 billion.
• The Warriors were the highest team worth $9.14 billion. The Grizzlies were the lowest at $3.06 billion.

You catch my drift here. The cheapest teams in the league are worth several billion dollars. You and I could pool our resources with a few thousand other people like us and we still probably couldn’t buy a piece of this team.

I will never buy a bag of chips from an arena again.

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Quick hits: Doug Gottlieb the doofus … Diego Pavia is back … and more

– Doug Gottlieb really put his foot in his mouth with this one. Meg Hall has more on her hilarious blunder.

— Diego Pavia returns to Vandy. Take care, Hugh Freeze. Christian D’Andrea has more here.

— Here are our direct picks for Week 16 in the NFL. There are some good games on the slate this weekend.

— I love a fake punt pass, but this one takes the cake. Cory Woodroof has more.

— Josh Allen is head over heels, please. I love it here. Robert Zeglinski has more.

– Mike Penix Jr. did the funniest thing when he got the news that he was the Falcons’ starting QB.

It’s a wrap, folks. Thank you so much for reading. Have a good Thursday. Peace.

– Sick