Circus maximus: Matt Eberflus gets fired in the most bearish way ever

I don’t know what kind of business the McCaskeys run, but it’s not an NFL franchise.

A legitimate professional football team does not allow its sad head coach to hold a press conference the morning after a terrible loss and then fire him hours later. That’s what the Bears did to Matt Eberflus on Friday. But don’t mistake ineptitude for coldness. This was not cruelty. This was typical Halas Hall density.

A legitimate pro football team doesn’t bring back guys like Eberflus for one more season after he compiled a two-year 10-24 record. That’s what the Bears did after last season, and the original sin of Eberflus’ retention led to all the spectacular sins this season. That led to the biggest sin of all, Eberflus’ decision not to call a timeout Thursday as the clock agonizingly ticked down with the Bears needing a decent finish to have a chance to tie the game against the mighty Lions.

The egregious error was apparently enough to jolt team chairman George McCaskey out of his memory-fogged existence and into something resembling action. Or maybe it was Eberflus’ continued insistence that the Bears’ plan late in the Detroit game made sense. Perhaps that bizarreness finally brought McCaskey to some awareness.

In a rare moment of clarity, the family did something the Bears have never done in their 104-year history: They fired their head coach during the season. Believe me, there were more than a few Bears coaches who deserved to be fired mid-season, but due to some strange organizational allegiance to civility, decorum or finances, the Bears have always refused to make a change.

They did on Friday, but in typical McCaskey fashion, dropped the ball before crossing the goal line. They allowed Eberflus to meet with reporters via Zoom that morning and again make a fool of himself by trying to defend the indefensible. It is beyond comprehension. They didn’t make Eberflus a likable character. They just got a little more pathetic themselves.

It’s just breathtaking, this incompetence. You don’t think it can get any worse, and then you stop yourself: not only can it get worse, it most likely will. It’s the bears.

It will certainly be a big task to go further downhill. The current six-game losing streak includes Bears defensive back Tyrique Stevenson lowering his team by taunting Washington fans while Jayden Daniels’ game-winning Hail Mary pass was in the air. That includes back-to-back weeks of blocked field-goal attempts, the first after Eberflus opted for a 46-yard boot over an extra play to make things easier for kicker Cairo Santos. That includes Eberflus’ failure to call a timeout Thursday, an attack on football common sense everywhere. Even the troublesome Jim Nantz, whose sweat glands secrete syrup, referred to the final play as “totally messed up” on the CBS broadcast.

There is nothing in the history of McCaskey ownership that points to good things ahead. Well, sure, the very act of getting rid of Eberflus seems to be a positive. The Bears are 4-8 and would be much better than that if not for the coach’s poor decisions. Good riding, right? But the team’s record of bad head coaching hires under the McCaskeys makes it more than likely that another bad one is on the way. The Bears named offensive coordinator Thomas Brown interim coach.

Please don’t tell me that president Kevin Warren and general manager Ryan Poles will find the right man. The McCaskeys hired Warren and Poles. Please don’t tell me the Bears will be looking for outside consultants to help with the coaching search. The McCaskeys will hire these consultants.

The only coach out there who might be McCaskey proof, who might not be adversely affected by decades of institutional clumsiness, is Bill Belichick. It’s hard to see the Bears giving him control of the entire operation because that would mean reducing Poles’ role. That’s not how the McCaskeys do things, but let’s see: A coach who has won eight Super Bowls vs. a general manager who is two-plus seasons into his job.

A good NFL franchise cares about winning, not how the organizational flowchart should work. I don’t know if Belichick would be a good fit for quarterback Caleb Williams, but I think Belichick could push aside some of the McCaskey nonsense that has led the franchise to just nine playoff appearances since the 1990 season.

Lions offensive coordinator Ben Johnson is the hot head coaching candidate this season. Students of how the McCaskeys have done business over the past four decades see several possibilities: If the Bears hire Johnson, he will be a flop. Or he disappears. Or he will spontaneously combust on national television.

Something. It’s always something. Something other than winning.